On National Coming Out Day, I want to wish good luck and lots of courage to anyone who is coming out to their family or friends today. If you are someone who has taken the brave leap to openly identify as someone outside the heterosexual norm, you have so much to be proud of.

At the same time, I want to support and enhearten anyone in the LGBT+ community who has not taken that step. You, too, deserve praise and support for doing whatever you have to do to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally before you make the decision to come out. 

There is nothing inauthentic about knowing yourself and choosing to be in control of who knows certain things about you—especially when those things carry so much significance for your very identity and security for the rest of your life. It can cost a lot to come out—income, employment, personal safety, health and well-being, relationships. If you choose not to risk that, I understand and support you, too. 

Today may be a day when more people think about what it’s like to come out, or a day when LGBT+ people take the opportunity to recollect their own coming out stories, but don’t forget that when you aren’t heterosexual, you don’t just come out once. It happens over and over again throughout your whole life. I am a woman and I am proud to be bisexual. It isn’t anyone’s business and it’s not something I lead with in defining myself, and I only say that because I believe there is value in visibility and also to make the point that non-heterosexual people are asked to come out all the time, or to relate to themselves in conversations based on their sexuality. And each one of those times is a new coming out all on it’s own. Non-heterosexual people are asked to come out over and over, sometimes by their choice, sometimes not.

The decision to come out the first time is very personal, and it’s a big deal. I am so impressed by and so supportive of all people in the LGBT+ community who live their best lives while dealing with the pressure and expectation to define their identity by their sexuality. Who we are attracted to is not what defines us. It’s not the most interesting thing about any of us. Whether you come out or not, your life is worth everything, your distinctive existence is a blessing to the world, and you have the right to as much privacy as everyone else. You truth is your truth. And once you’ve done the work to search deep inside and find the bravery to know yourself, the hard part is already over.

Photo with my friend Danielle Renae at Pride 2017!